girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
