he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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