Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize