Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
