He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
