Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
