My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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