It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
