I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
