??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
