happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
