you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
