he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
