My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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