maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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