Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
