First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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