i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
