I am puke
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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