What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
