When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
