I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
