i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
