pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
