Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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