I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
