We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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