look no pants
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
