she smelled like a LAN party
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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