Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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