do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
