My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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