last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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