so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
