i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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