I heard we made out
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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