I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
