I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
