[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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