This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
