I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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