Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He passed out mid-signature
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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