I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
