Betty ford says i'm here all night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
