we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
