I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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