I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
