Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And then he peed in my hair
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