yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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