I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
