I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
