I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
