She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
