I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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