At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
4 words: hood of his car
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
