She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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