My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
