just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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