"it" just moved
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
