Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
