jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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