A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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